Equality..

Just the other day I was at work at a department store, folding towels (exciting stuff) when I overheard two female customers talking. They had just run into each other and had obviously known each other for a long time. Now, I don't know their situations but from their conversation it seemed like they both had a lot of responsibility at home. At first I tried to justify their complaints by telling myself that "maybe her husband is ill and that's why she has to do everything around the house". 

But as the conversation went on, it was more about how hopeless men are and are more of a burden than a help. 

Their conversation concluded with "People say men and women are equal but that is such crap! Men and women will never be equal, EVER! Men are just a lazy breed." And with that, they went their separate ways, unaware that they had left a young sales assistant to pick her jaw up off the ground. 

Now, allow me to put my first defensive thought down to youth and naivety, but I couldn't help but be mad at them for saying that men and women were not equal, nor will they ever be.  Don't get me wrong, I am aware that society certainly hasn't nailed the whole "equality" thing just yet, but I really resented them for giving up. For saying it would never happen. 

But then I got really defensive of men. Personally I'm getting really sick of hearing how hopeless the men in our lives are and how all the responsibility falls into women's hands. 

I'm going to say something that you're not going to like, but bear with me: 

SOME men are lazy because the women in their lives have always allowed them to be. 

Okay, put down the pitchforks and let me explain! These two women in the department store were 60+. So when their husbands were younger men, they were most likely the cherished one in the family - my mum still remembers her two brothers never having to lift a finger while the seven girls were responsible for cleaning up after dinner. My own dad is the youngest of eight and also never had to lift a finger around the house because the boys just weren't expected to. 

So yes perhaps we can say that a lot of the household responsibility falls on to the women, but that's how we have all been trained to think. Women were responsible for caring for the house and the children and the men earned the money. 

When women of my mum's era grew up, they had different attitudes to their children. My brother and I had the same amount of responsibility and jobs to do around the house and they were in no way gender influenced - he had to do the dishes because he was older and I couldn't quite reach the sink, and I had to bring the bins in after school. 

I think today's young man is much more capable and willing than the older generations. That said, I think that is a harsh generalization of older generations, as I'm sure there are plenty of men my dad's age who are cooking dinner right now! 

My point is that, as a young woman, I really do feel like the men around me are more conscious of equality. My mum does everything around our house, and as a result of seeing that my whole life I am often really (unnecessarily) firm with my boyfriend over the sharing of responsibilities. And every time I go on a feminist rant about how I will not be his maid and the cooking and cleaning is to be shared equally, I get this strange look from him as he shrugs and says "yeah, of course" as if that's what he expected anyway. 

So perhaps those ladies were right, perhaps we're not entirely equal just yet. But I resent them for having such a negative attitude, because I think we're getting pretty damn close. 

Let's give men a little more credit, shall we? 

"Welcome to Adulthood : Now with extra guilt!"

Firstly I just realized it's been just under a month since my last blog. Oops! It's easy for time to slip past when you have work and Uni to juggle. I keep putting off blogging because I have Uni work to do but I've been sitting here at my desk for a couple of hours now and I haven't done a single piece of Uni work, so I may as well write a blog!


Last weekend I ran (read: jogged and walked) 5km in the Run Melbourne race for charity. It was awesome and I'd been training pretty hard for it over the last few months (until I hurt my back and couldn't run properly). So this week, work has been pretty hectic and I haven't been to the gym. Realistically it's not that big a deal. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things that I had a pretty lazy week in terms of exercise. Okay yes I've eaten pretty badly this week too. But again, considering I have a pretty healthy diet normally, adding a little extra chocolate over the space of a week isn't life threatening. So then why do I feel so guilty?? 
I feel guilty about everything now. Eating too much, not eating enough, not getting to the gym, eating a whole block of chocolate, not getting enough study done, leaving assignments to the last minute, not catching up with long lost friends, being late to work, spending too much money blah blah blah the list goes on for miles. 
I certainly don't remember feeling this guilt as a kid, so I can only assume it's one of many downsides to growing up. Don't get my wrong, being an adult is pretty sweet, but kids have the best situation. No responsibility, no guilt. If I wanted chocolate, I ate it. I didn't have a job so all I did was play. Any money I had was quickly spent on computer games, lollies or Cd's. As kids we didn't feel guilty for this we DIDN'T do. We felt guilty because we got in trouble for hitting our siblings or cutting our dad's hair while he slept. We felt guilty when we did something wrong. 


Now days, I feel guilty for the things I DON'T do or for the things I neglect. I didn't save enough money, I didn't get to the gym, I didn't have time to catch up with a friend.  I internally yell at myself for spending money that I work pretty damn hard to earn. That would make sense if I was senselessly spending a whole paycheck on shoes or jewelry, but sometimes I find myself saying "Geez Jess, if you didn't buy that shampoo and deodorant, you wouldn't be left flat broke before your next pay! Did you really need it?" Yes, Jess-in-my-head, I did need shampoo. It cost $6.50 at Priceline. Surely that is not the cause of your financial strain, idiot. 
If I don't exercise I hate myself. If I eat fast food I hate myself. Okay hate is a strong word. I just feel disappointed in myself, which is almost worse than self hate sometimes. 
How do we avoid the guilt as adults? How do we go back to the carefree feeling we had as kids. Is it as simple as accepting the little things? We earn money to spend it so don't worry if it's gone. Chances are the majority evaporates for phone bills, rent, car insurance etc. 
You feel like Maccas for lunch? Eat it! Not every day but once in a while won't kill you. 
Worked all day and can't feel your legs anymore? You've done enough for today, get some sleep instead of killing yourself at the gym. But go tomorrow!
I think it's all about being realistic. Yeah I probably could go to the gym after work, but it's circumstantial. Most days I could! Today I've had three massive shifts in a row in which I did a lot of heavy lifting and moving, so I'm physically spent. So today I ate 5 cupcakes and half a block of chocolate instead. 
Tomorrow I'll go to the gym. Maybe. 

Me, Myself & WHO THE HELL IS THAT?

I was at work the other day (yep, blogging don't pay no bills) and one of my co-workers asked me a question. And I answered in the most fake, sweet and delightful manner. And that's when I realized that there are several different versions of myself, each intended for a different audience. 


Surely we all do it. My dad is delightful to waiters in restaurants, cracking jokes and sharing a good belly laugh or two with everyone. But when he's at home and any piece of technology isn't working..... Oh Lordy is he a different man then!


My work version of Jess is a little too lovely. She's the kind of person who you would introduce to your Grandma. In fact she's the same as the Jess that I show my own Grandma! For example, we went to my grandparents place recently on Mothers Day and the whole extended family were around. On the table were two gigantic cakes (we're talking, worthy of a wedding cake) two smaller sponge cakes, a chocolate cake, two different types of chocolate brownie and profiteroles. So I said to Grandma "Grandma, do you think we have enough food for everyone?" And we both laughed and laughed at my hilarity. LAME. It's the same at work. I work in a department store, in a department mainly occupied by old ladies. And I smile and nod and listen to their stories about grandchildren, injuries, that they work too much, that they don't get paid enough and what's wrong with the world. I never swear, my jokes (while still hilarious) and clean and innocent. 


With my girlfriends my laugh becomes more shrill and I suddenly care about fashion and reality TV.


With Liv, I'm bitter and twisted and a bit of a bitch. Our humour is black and politically incorrect and we love it. 


With my friend Ash, I become vulgar, racist, sexist, younameit-ist, and we laugh like maniacs. Seriously it's frightening. But then again, he has the effect on everyone. 


And at first I though "oh no, I have some kind of personality disorder!" but then I thought "Don't be silly, me!" to which I replied "Okay!" 


These different versions of myself aren't fake or merely put on for show. They're just modified versions of myself, specifically aimed towards whoever I'm with at the time.  And I can't possibly be the only person who does this because we've all met people who were lovely and polite and thought "I wonder what you're like at home.."

BFFL's etc

I have a theory about men and women. ( No way, how revolutionary! Jess Perkins, you'll win a Pulitzer Prize for this one, no one else has ever written on this topic before!)

I realized recently that I was telling someone about my weekend and I felt it necessary to state that  I was with my "best friend". Not "friend", not "girl I went to school with", and not "bitch face" (as I often address my friends in text messages). 

I think women find it necessary to not only have a best friend, but to also address said best friend by their official best friend title. I have a great group of close girlfriends whom I love to pieces, but when I tell people about what my bestie and I got up to, I always say "best friend". 

Guys, on the other hand, don't feel the need to label all their friends in order from best friend to acquaintance. My brother refers to all his friends as "me mate" (his English is exceptional). Even though I know he has a best mate who has been with him since early high school, he's never once called this guy his best mate. I asked Dad once who his best friend was and he just looked at me blankly and then said "aahhhh..." and pulled a thinking face. 

I take it to a higher level too, and I make comments like "Oh that's Liv, she's one of my closest friends" or "I'm going with my group of best girlfriends!" as if there are different awards to hand out. My idea of friendship seems to be like the Logies. We have the winner of the "Best Friend" award, the "Silver Logie" type awards like "Best Male Friend" , "Best Gay Friend", "Oldest Friend" (We've like totally known each other since Prep!),  "The Best Friend from Work", and then a group prize for those girls I consider to be my posse/ gang/ ensemble. 

It's sad enough that I seem to do this, but I suppose we all do. We all have friends who are closer to us than others, and there's nothing wrong with that. There are those friends you see from time to time at parties and you have a good laugh together. And there are those that you see weekly, who know every detail of your life. And in my case there are those I share far too much with, who I must always be nice to because they have too much information to blackmail me with. 

What's weird is that I feel it necessary to label them in conversation. "O'Shea, yeah he's like my best guy friend!". "Linny, she's my bestie!" "Ash? Ash is like my brother, we're THAT close!" 

So guys out there, why is it you generally don't have "best friends"? I know you do! We all favour some people over others (don't hide it, it's true). 

There's always one friend who, if they were in a burning building with another friend / acqaintence and you could only save one, you'd totally save them. I feel as if I've taken it too far again... 

Please comment and share your thoughts, I'd like to know I'm not insane. 

I'm allergic to diets

Hi, I'm Jess and I am incapable of dieting. 
HI JESS. 


Yes, you guys are now my AA group. 


So, I'm currently training for Run Melbourne, a 5km run in July. Yes I am aware that 5km isn't much. At school I was great in the 100m and 200m sprints, but make me run one lap of a 400m track and I wouldn't make it.I'd be like that one guy in every war movie who gets shot in the chest, falls dramatically to his knees in slow motion and, with hand outreached, whispers "go.. on.. without.. me" before collapsing face first into the mud. So to do a 5km run is actually going to take a bit of work for me. And, being a genius, I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally motivate myself to watch what I was eating and shift the few kilo's that have snuck up on me since leaving school. And by that I mean I'm quite certain someone broke into my room one night and added a gut to my body, because I swear to God it wasn't there before!  

Mmmm cake.

So far I've managed to get to the gym at least 3 times a week (pat yourself on the back there, big fella), and I've successfully convinced myself that I'm eating better despite the fact that a block of chocolate has disappeared under my supervision. Not to mention the chocolate cupcakes Mum made. 
Last week I was trying to eat better. That didn't happen. So on Sunday I vowed that this week I would focus on healthy meals and no junk food, and I'd exercise every day. It really shouldn't be that hard, should it? Well it's Tuesday and I just sat at the kitchen bench with my parents and ate several pieces of chocolate cake. Goooooood dieting Jess. 
It's not that hard really. Well, it certainly shouldn't be. But it seems like my love of everything delicious is too ingrained in my mind and I automatically reach for chocolate instead of an apple. It's not like my pantry is exclusively filled with junk, either. In fact there's so much healthy food in there it means I have to really dig around to find junk. Which in a way is admirable, because I'm so dedicated to finding something at least chocolate coated. (I can hear you thinking "she's in denial". I know). 
I have a new theory as a result of my own inability to eat well. On any given day, I'd most definately eat really well. But as soon as good food is all you're allowed to have, suddenly chocolate is like a baby trapped under a burning car - you'll do anything to get to it. (Too far?)
I become a crack addict in their first week in rehab. I'm on edge and I'm sweating. I'm justifying every little bit of junk I eat. "I'll just have a little bit of chocolate." "One chocolate biscuit won't hurt!" "I went to the gym today, I can have Maccas for lunch!" "You know what, I've been good, I deserve an entire pizza for dinner!" "I've had a horrible, stressful day. I can stop past Nando's on the way home. That'll make me feel better!" 


Obviously the best part about these comfort foods is that they're freaking delicious. Hot chips are like my kryptonite. And let's be honest, we've all justified eating chips because they're technically a vegetable. But the worst part is not the realization that this food is going straight to the gut, it's the guilt. You sit there cursing yourself because you were so determined to eat well, and you just let yourself demolish an entire cake. And that cake was for Grandma's birthday, you jerk! 


I cannot possibly be the only person struggling to eat well. Surely there are some of you out there who are either doing the same thing, or have somehow managed to conquer that sneaky reflex that makes your hand go straight for the chocolate biscuits. 


So please share any tips or ideas. I have 10 weeks until the 5km run, it's not too late! And if I fail you're all welcome to come to the race and yell "RUN FATTY! RUN!" at me. It's only fair. 

What is love? (Baby don't hurt me)

Just yesterday my lovely friend Liv sent me a text that has really made me think. She had just been to see Titanic in 3D, and I this is what she said to me:


"I've decided I want love like that. None of this half-half love, I want full on. And I won't settle 'til I find it". 


You have to admire the woman's passion! And I think most women see films like Titanic or read books like The Hunger Games (I'm biased because I'm mildly obsessed) and feel as if the love portrayed in these films and books is realistic. I know I certainly felt a little disappointed in my own relationship after reading The Hunger Games. Peeta stops at nothing to protect Katniss. He sacrifices his own safety on many occasions to protect her, fights tooth and nail for her and is the perfect combination of romantic and sweet, but also independent and not too clingy. Then you have my exceptionally lovely boyfriend, who despite his sweetest gestures, has never risked his life for me. Not once. Never, in the many times we've been thrown into combat, has he ever fought to protect me. He's never once stood up to an evil dictator and poured his heart out on national television as an act of defiance and love. I know right, what am I doing with this guy? 


So when Liv brought up the romance in Titanic I had to wonder why it is that woman are so taken by movie romance? I know Liv doesn't literally mean she wants to meet a man on a cruise, fall passionately in love after a few days of knowing the guy, let him draw her nude, then watch him die an icy death. But what she wants is someone who would do anything for her, who would fight to protect her. And feminist as I am, I think it's natural for a woman to want that. It's not weakness or vulnerability, it's just nice to have someone looking after you. 


But then I started thinking that there are so many contradictory ideas out there about what true love is. I have compiled a list of cliche's seen in many a TV show or movie:
"True love is hard work... but if you love them you don't mind doing the work."
"True love comes easily."
"When it's right, you just know."
"I knew from the second I saw him, he was the one." 
"It was love at first sight."


I'm personally getting a little sick of being told all the time what love is. Because as soon as you hear a theory about love, it sends you into a spiral of doubt and worry about your own relationship, that you were perfectly happy with until this person brought up something about how much hard work true love is. And you think "Shit, my boyfriend and I don't work hard at our relationship. We just cruise along. Does that mean we're not really in love? Have we just settled for each other?" and so on and so on until you're over analysing everything he says and suddenly even more annoyed by all the little things he does. 
But then when someone says "Relationships are easy when it's meant to be!" you think "Shit, we work really hard at communicating properly and we bicker all the time. Shit shit shit we're doomed to fail!" 


So what bothers me is why we can't just figure it out for ourselves. From what I can gather, every single relationship is so individual it doesn't make sense to make large generalizations. I know some couples who don't agree on a single thing, who fight and bicker and nag each other, and are desperately in love. And there are some that openly say that they probably won't stay together forever. There are those who have been together a short time and already talking about marriage and the future. 
And there are those like my gorgeous friend Liv, who are testing the waters but not jumping in just yet. And rightly so. Because I know when Liv finds her Jack, it will be a completely different relationship to mine, or to any of our other friends, or to any other relationship out there. 
When I first read her message, I wanted to write "Liv, that sort of love doesn't exist. Love isn't like that. Life get's in the way! It's hard to be head over heels when real life issues get in the way!" But then I realised that it wasn't fair to say things like that just because my relationship isn't like Jack and Rose. (It's more like Harry and Sally).
 But that doesn't mean Liv won't have a Jack and Rose relationship filled with passion and fire. She's the most passionate and fiery person I know, so I don't think a passive, indecisive man would pass her test in the first place. 
So instead of crushing her dream in my pessimistic way, I said :
 "That's the spirit! And you deserve nothing less!" 


Because every love is different. And that's what makes it so incredible.

A confession

Hi friends! 
Again, it's been a while since I blogged. To be honest I lost a little confidence in my writing. Plus I've been on Uni holidays, so I've been suuuppeerrr busy lying on my bed, watching dvds, staying in my pajamas all day, stuffing my face and avoiding the gym. Seriously, holidays are hard work! 


But I'm writing today to get something off my chest. It's been bugging me for a while, and I think it's time I just admit it so I can move forward with my life. 


I'm a closet girly girl. 


I love romantic comedies, I get so excited when there's a new issue of Cosmo or Cleo, I drool over pretty make-up and beauty products, I trawl online shopping sites and analyse dresses, I can't walk past a shoe shop without Tony having to drag me away and I rock out to Beyonce in my car. 
I know what you're thinking. What's the big deal? You sound like every other girl out there. All my life I've been the sporty girl who mocked romance movies, wore sneakers instead of heels and never bothered with make up. 


Hence it's hard for me to admit that I love make up and pretty dresses, I'm obsessed with shoes and slightly addicted to shopping. 


This got me thinking about other things we all secretly love or hate. For example, my friend Anthony and I share a mutual secret love for Riverdance, and all things Irish. It's embarrassing and a little shameful, but we secretly love it. 
My friend Liv is super intelligent, indie, and blunt, but I've watched more chick flicks with her than anyone else. 
My boyfriend Tony refuses to watch The Notebook with me, but he did sit through Eat Pray Love with me one lazy Sunday afternoon, and he didn't completely hate it. 


So have a think about the things you secretly love but are too embarrassed to admit. And then look at yourself in the mirror and admit you love Sex and the City (and you're a dude) or you've seen all the Twilight movies and really felt for the characters.