I'm allergic to diets

Hi, I'm Jess and I am incapable of dieting. 
HI JESS. 


Yes, you guys are now my AA group. 


So, I'm currently training for Run Melbourne, a 5km run in July. Yes I am aware that 5km isn't much. At school I was great in the 100m and 200m sprints, but make me run one lap of a 400m track and I wouldn't make it.I'd be like that one guy in every war movie who gets shot in the chest, falls dramatically to his knees in slow motion and, with hand outreached, whispers "go.. on.. without.. me" before collapsing face first into the mud. So to do a 5km run is actually going to take a bit of work for me. And, being a genius, I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally motivate myself to watch what I was eating and shift the few kilo's that have snuck up on me since leaving school. And by that I mean I'm quite certain someone broke into my room one night and added a gut to my body, because I swear to God it wasn't there before!  

Mmmm cake.

So far I've managed to get to the gym at least 3 times a week (pat yourself on the back there, big fella), and I've successfully convinced myself that I'm eating better despite the fact that a block of chocolate has disappeared under my supervision. Not to mention the chocolate cupcakes Mum made. 
Last week I was trying to eat better. That didn't happen. So on Sunday I vowed that this week I would focus on healthy meals and no junk food, and I'd exercise every day. It really shouldn't be that hard, should it? Well it's Tuesday and I just sat at the kitchen bench with my parents and ate several pieces of chocolate cake. Goooooood dieting Jess. 
It's not that hard really. Well, it certainly shouldn't be. But it seems like my love of everything delicious is too ingrained in my mind and I automatically reach for chocolate instead of an apple. It's not like my pantry is exclusively filled with junk, either. In fact there's so much healthy food in there it means I have to really dig around to find junk. Which in a way is admirable, because I'm so dedicated to finding something at least chocolate coated. (I can hear you thinking "she's in denial". I know). 
I have a new theory as a result of my own inability to eat well. On any given day, I'd most definately eat really well. But as soon as good food is all you're allowed to have, suddenly chocolate is like a baby trapped under a burning car - you'll do anything to get to it. (Too far?)
I become a crack addict in their first week in rehab. I'm on edge and I'm sweating. I'm justifying every little bit of junk I eat. "I'll just have a little bit of chocolate." "One chocolate biscuit won't hurt!" "I went to the gym today, I can have Maccas for lunch!" "You know what, I've been good, I deserve an entire pizza for dinner!" "I've had a horrible, stressful day. I can stop past Nando's on the way home. That'll make me feel better!" 


Obviously the best part about these comfort foods is that they're freaking delicious. Hot chips are like my kryptonite. And let's be honest, we've all justified eating chips because they're technically a vegetable. But the worst part is not the realization that this food is going straight to the gut, it's the guilt. You sit there cursing yourself because you were so determined to eat well, and you just let yourself demolish an entire cake. And that cake was for Grandma's birthday, you jerk! 


I cannot possibly be the only person struggling to eat well. Surely there are some of you out there who are either doing the same thing, or have somehow managed to conquer that sneaky reflex that makes your hand go straight for the chocolate biscuits. 


So please share any tips or ideas. I have 10 weeks until the 5km run, it's not too late! And if I fail you're all welcome to come to the race and yell "RUN FATTY! RUN!" at me. It's only fair.