Last weekend I ran (read: jogged and walked) 5km in the Run Melbourne race for charity. It was awesome and I'd been training pretty hard for it over the last few months (until I hurt my back and couldn't run properly). So this week, work has been pretty hectic and I haven't been to the gym. Realistically it's not that big a deal. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things that I had a pretty lazy week in terms of exercise. Okay yes I've eaten pretty badly this week too. But again, considering I have a pretty healthy diet normally, adding a little extra chocolate over the space of a week isn't life threatening. So then why do I feel so guilty??
I feel guilty about everything now. Eating too much, not eating enough, not getting to the gym, eating a whole block of chocolate, not getting enough study done, leaving assignments to the last minute, not catching up with long lost friends, being late to work, spending too much money blah blah blah the list goes on for miles.
I certainly don't remember feeling this guilt as a kid, so I can only assume it's one of many downsides to growing up. Don't get my wrong, being an adult is pretty sweet, but kids have the best situation. No responsibility, no guilt. If I wanted chocolate, I ate it. I didn't have a job so all I did was play. Any money I had was quickly spent on computer games, lollies or Cd's. As kids we didn't feel guilty for this we DIDN'T do. We felt guilty because we got in trouble for hitting our siblings or cutting our dad's hair while he slept. We felt guilty when we did something wrong.
Now days, I feel guilty for the things I DON'T do or for the things I neglect. I didn't save enough money, I didn't get to the gym, I didn't have time to catch up with a friend. I internally yell at myself for spending money that I work pretty damn hard to earn. That would make sense if I was senselessly spending a whole paycheck on shoes or jewelry, but sometimes I find myself saying "Geez Jess, if you didn't buy that shampoo and deodorant, you wouldn't be left flat broke before your next pay! Did you really need it?" Yes, Jess-in-my-head, I did need shampoo. It cost $6.50 at Priceline. Surely that is not the cause of your financial strain, idiot. If I don't exercise I hate myself. If I eat fast food I hate myself. Okay hate is a strong word. I just feel disappointed in myself, which is almost worse than self hate sometimes.
How do we avoid the guilt as adults? How do we go back to the carefree feeling we had as kids. Is it as simple as accepting the little things? We earn money to spend it so don't worry if it's gone. Chances are the majority evaporates for phone bills, rent, car insurance etc.
You feel like Maccas for lunch? Eat it! Not every day but once in a while won't kill you.
Worked all day and can't feel your legs anymore? You've done enough for today, get some sleep instead of killing yourself at the gym. But go tomorrow!
I think it's all about being realistic. Yeah I probably could go to the gym after work, but it's circumstantial. Most days I could! Today I've had three massive shifts in a row in which I did a lot of heavy lifting and moving, so I'm physically spent. So today I ate 5 cupcakes and half a block of chocolate instead.
Tomorrow I'll go to the gym. Maybe.
No comments:
Post a Comment