I was at work the other day (yep, blogging don't pay no bills) and one of my co-workers asked me a question. And I answered in the most fake, sweet and delightful manner. And that's when I realized that there are several different versions of myself, each intended for a different audience.
Surely we all do it. My dad is delightful to waiters in restaurants, cracking jokes and sharing a good belly laugh or two with everyone. But when he's at home and any piece of technology isn't working..... Oh Lordy is he a different man then!
My work version of Jess is a little too lovely. She's the kind of person who you would introduce to your Grandma. In fact she's the same as the Jess that I show my own Grandma! For example, we went to my grandparents place recently on Mothers Day and the whole extended family were around. On the table were two gigantic cakes (we're talking, worthy of a wedding cake) two smaller sponge cakes, a chocolate cake, two different types of chocolate brownie and profiteroles. So I said to Grandma "Grandma, do you think we have enough food for everyone?" And we both laughed and laughed at my hilarity. LAME. It's the same at work. I work in a department store, in a department mainly occupied by old ladies. And I smile and nod and listen to their stories about grandchildren, injuries, that they work too much, that they don't get paid enough and what's wrong with the world. I never swear, my jokes (while still hilarious) and clean and innocent.
With my girlfriends my laugh becomes more shrill and I suddenly care about fashion and reality TV.
With Liv, I'm bitter and twisted and a bit of a bitch. Our humour is black and politically incorrect and we love it.
With my friend Ash, I become vulgar, racist, sexist, younameit-ist, and we laugh like maniacs. Seriously it's frightening. But then again, he has the effect on everyone.
And at first I though "oh no, I have some kind of personality disorder!" but then I thought "Don't be silly, me!" to which I replied "Okay!"
These different versions of myself aren't fake or merely put on for show. They're just modified versions of myself, specifically aimed towards whoever I'm with at the time. And I can't possibly be the only person who does this because we've all met people who were lovely and polite and thought "I wonder what you're like at home.."
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
BFFL's etc
I have a theory about men and women. ( No way, how revolutionary! Jess Perkins, you'll win a Pulitzer Prize for this one, no one else has ever written on this topic before!)
I realized recently that I was telling someone about my weekend and I felt it necessary to state that I was with my "best friend". Not "friend", not "girl I went to school with", and not "bitch face" (as I often address my friends in text messages).
I think women find it necessary to not only have a best friend, but to also address said best friend by their official best friend title. I have a great group of close girlfriends whom I love to pieces, but when I tell people about what my bestie and I got up to, I always say "best friend".
Guys, on the other hand, don't feel the need to label all their friends in order from best friend to acquaintance. My brother refers to all his friends as "me mate" (his English is exceptional). Even though I know he has a best mate who has been with him since early high school, he's never once called this guy his best mate. I asked Dad once who his best friend was and he just looked at me blankly and then said "aahhhh..." and pulled a thinking face.
I take it to a higher level too, and I make comments like "Oh that's Liv, she's one of my closest friends" or "I'm going with my group of best girlfriends!" as if there are different awards to hand out. My idea of friendship seems to be like the Logies. We have the winner of the "Best Friend" award, the "Silver Logie" type awards like "Best Male Friend" , "Best Gay Friend", "Oldest Friend" (We've like totally known each other since Prep!), "The Best Friend from Work", and then a group prize for those girls I consider to be my posse/ gang/ ensemble.
It's sad enough that I seem to do this, but I suppose we all do. We all have friends who are closer to us than others, and there's nothing wrong with that. There are those friends you see from time to time at parties and you have a good laugh together. And there are those that you see weekly, who know every detail of your life. And in my case there are those I share far too much with, who I must always be nice to because they have too much information to blackmail me with.
What's weird is that I feel it necessary to label them in conversation. "O'Shea, yeah he's like my best guy friend!". "Linny, she's my bestie!" "Ash? Ash is like my brother, we're THAT close!"
So guys out there, why is it you generally don't have "best friends"? I know you do! We all favour some people over others (don't hide it, it's true).
There's always one friend who, if they were in a burning building with another friend / acqaintence and you could only save one, you'd totally save them. I feel as if I've taken it too far again...
Please comment and share your thoughts, I'd like to know I'm not insane.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
I'm allergic to diets
Hi, I'm Jess and I am incapable of dieting.
HI JESS.
Yes, you guys are now my AA group.
So, I'm currently training for Run Melbourne, a 5km run in July. Yes I am aware that 5km isn't much. At school I was great in the 100m and 200m sprints, but make me run one lap of a 400m track and I wouldn't make it.I'd be like that one guy in every war movie who gets shot in the chest, falls dramatically to his knees in slow motion and, with hand outreached, whispers "go.. on.. without.. me" before collapsing face first into the mud. So to do a 5km run is actually going to take a bit of work for me. And, being a genius, I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally motivate myself to watch what I was eating and shift the few kilo's that have snuck up on me since leaving school. And by that I mean I'm quite certain someone broke into my room one night and added a gut to my body, because I swear to God it wasn't there before!
So far I've managed to get to the gym at least 3 times a week (pat yourself on the back there, big fella), and I've successfully convinced myself that I'm eating better despite the fact that a block of chocolate has disappeared under my supervision. Not to mention the chocolate cupcakes Mum made.
Last week I was trying to eat better. That didn't happen. So on Sunday I vowed that this week I would focus on healthy meals and no junk food, and I'd exercise every day. It really shouldn't be that hard, should it? Well it's Tuesday and I just sat at the kitchen bench with my parents and ate several pieces of chocolate cake. Goooooood dieting Jess.
It's not that hard really. Well, it certainly shouldn't be. But it seems like my love of everything delicious is too ingrained in my mind and I automatically reach for chocolate instead of an apple. It's not like my pantry is exclusively filled with junk, either. In fact there's so much healthy food in there it means I have to really dig around to find junk. Which in a way is admirable, because I'm so dedicated to finding something at least chocolate coated. (I can hear you thinking "she's in denial". I know).
I have a new theory as a result of my own inability to eat well. On any given day, I'd most definately eat really well. But as soon as good food is all you're allowed to have, suddenly chocolate is like a baby trapped under a burning car - you'll do anything to get to it. (Too far?)
I become a crack addict in their first week in rehab. I'm on edge and I'm sweating. I'm justifying every little bit of junk I eat. "I'll just have a little bit of chocolate." "One chocolate biscuit won't hurt!" "I went to the gym today, I can have Maccas for lunch!" "You know what, I've been good, I deserve an entire pizza for dinner!" "I've had a horrible, stressful day. I can stop past Nando's on the way home. That'll make me feel better!"
Obviously the best part about these comfort foods is that they're freaking delicious. Hot chips are like my kryptonite. And let's be honest, we've all justified eating chips because they're technically a vegetable. But the worst part is not the realization that this food is going straight to the gut, it's the guilt. You sit there cursing yourself because you were so determined to eat well, and you just let yourself demolish an entire cake. And that cake was for Grandma's birthday, you jerk!
I cannot possibly be the only person struggling to eat well. Surely there are some of you out there who are either doing the same thing, or have somehow managed to conquer that sneaky reflex that makes your hand go straight for the chocolate biscuits.
So please share any tips or ideas. I have 10 weeks until the 5km run, it's not too late! And if I fail you're all welcome to come to the race and yell "RUN FATTY! RUN!" at me. It's only fair.
HI JESS.
Yes, you guys are now my AA group.
So, I'm currently training for Run Melbourne, a 5km run in July. Yes I am aware that 5km isn't much. At school I was great in the 100m and 200m sprints, but make me run one lap of a 400m track and I wouldn't make it.I'd be like that one guy in every war movie who gets shot in the chest, falls dramatically to his knees in slow motion and, with hand outreached, whispers "go.. on.. without.. me" before collapsing face first into the mud. So to do a 5km run is actually going to take a bit of work for me. And, being a genius, I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally motivate myself to watch what I was eating and shift the few kilo's that have snuck up on me since leaving school. And by that I mean I'm quite certain someone broke into my room one night and added a gut to my body, because I swear to God it wasn't there before!
 |
| Mmmm cake. |
Last week I was trying to eat better. That didn't happen. So on Sunday I vowed that this week I would focus on healthy meals and no junk food, and I'd exercise every day. It really shouldn't be that hard, should it? Well it's Tuesday and I just sat at the kitchen bench with my parents and ate several pieces of chocolate cake. Goooooood dieting Jess.
It's not that hard really. Well, it certainly shouldn't be. But it seems like my love of everything delicious is too ingrained in my mind and I automatically reach for chocolate instead of an apple. It's not like my pantry is exclusively filled with junk, either. In fact there's so much healthy food in there it means I have to really dig around to find junk. Which in a way is admirable, because I'm so dedicated to finding something at least chocolate coated. (I can hear you thinking "she's in denial". I know).
I have a new theory as a result of my own inability to eat well. On any given day, I'd most definately eat really well. But as soon as good food is all you're allowed to have, suddenly chocolate is like a baby trapped under a burning car - you'll do anything to get to it. (Too far?)
I become a crack addict in their first week in rehab. I'm on edge and I'm sweating. I'm justifying every little bit of junk I eat. "I'll just have a little bit of chocolate." "One chocolate biscuit won't hurt!" "I went to the gym today, I can have Maccas for lunch!" "You know what, I've been good, I deserve an entire pizza for dinner!" "I've had a horrible, stressful day. I can stop past Nando's on the way home. That'll make me feel better!"
Obviously the best part about these comfort foods is that they're freaking delicious. Hot chips are like my kryptonite. And let's be honest, we've all justified eating chips because they're technically a vegetable. But the worst part is not the realization that this food is going straight to the gut, it's the guilt. You sit there cursing yourself because you were so determined to eat well, and you just let yourself demolish an entire cake. And that cake was for Grandma's birthday, you jerk!
I cannot possibly be the only person struggling to eat well. Surely there are some of you out there who are either doing the same thing, or have somehow managed to conquer that sneaky reflex that makes your hand go straight for the chocolate biscuits.
So please share any tips or ideas. I have 10 weeks until the 5km run, it's not too late! And if I fail you're all welcome to come to the race and yell "RUN FATTY! RUN!" at me. It's only fair.
Monday, April 30, 2012
What is love? (Baby don't hurt me)
Just yesterday my lovely friend Liv sent me a text that has really made me think. She had just been to see Titanic in 3D, and I this is what she said to me:
"I've decided I want love like that. None of this half-half love, I want full on. And I won't settle 'til I find it".
You have to admire the woman's passion! And I think most women see films like Titanic or read books like The Hunger Games (I'm biased because I'm mildly obsessed) and feel as if the love portrayed in these films and books is realistic. I know I certainly felt a little disappointed in my own relationship after reading The Hunger Games. Peeta stops at nothing to protect Katniss. He sacrifices his own safety on many occasions to protect her, fights tooth and nail for her and is the perfect combination of romantic and sweet, but also independent and not too clingy. Then you have my exceptionally lovely boyfriend, who despite his sweetest gestures, has never risked his life for me. Not once. Never, in the many times we've been thrown into combat, has he ever fought to protect me. He's never once stood up to an evil dictator and poured his heart out on national television as an act of defiance and love. I know right, what am I doing with this guy?
So when Liv brought up the romance in Titanic I had to wonder why it is that woman are so taken by movie romance? I know Liv doesn't literally mean she wants to meet a man on a cruise, fall passionately in love after a few days of knowing the guy, let him draw her nude, then watch him die an icy death. But what she wants is someone who would do anything for her, who would fight to protect her. And feminist as I am, I think it's natural for a woman to want that. It's not weakness or vulnerability, it's just nice to have someone looking after you.
But then I started thinking that there are so many contradictory ideas out there about what true love is. I have compiled a list of cliche's seen in many a TV show or movie:
"True love is hard work... but if you love them you don't mind doing the work."
"True love comes easily."
"When it's right, you just know."
"I knew from the second I saw him, he was the one."
"It was love at first sight."
I'm personally getting a little sick of being told all the time what love is. Because as soon as you hear a theory about love, it sends you into a spiral of doubt and worry about your own relationship, that you were perfectly happy with until this person brought up something about how much hard work true love is. And you think "Shit, my boyfriend and I don't work hard at our relationship. We just cruise along. Does that mean we're not really in love? Have we just settled for each other?" and so on and so on until you're over analysing everything he says and suddenly even more annoyed by all the little things he does.
But then when someone says "Relationships are easy when it's meant to be!" you think "Shit, we work really hard at communicating properly and we bicker all the time. Shit shit shit we're doomed to fail!"
So what bothers me is why we can't just figure it out for ourselves. From what I can gather, every single relationship is so individual it doesn't make sense to make large generalizations. I know some couples who don't agree on a single thing, who fight and bicker and nag each other, and are desperately in love. And there are some that openly say that they probably won't stay together forever. There are those who have been together a short time and already talking about marriage and the future.
And there are those like my gorgeous friend Liv, who are testing the waters but not jumping in just yet. And rightly so. Because I know when Liv finds her Jack, it will be a completely different relationship to mine, or to any of our other friends, or to any other relationship out there.
When I first read her message, I wanted to write "Liv, that sort of love doesn't exist. Love isn't like that. Life get's in the way! It's hard to be head over heels when real life issues get in the way!" But then I realised that it wasn't fair to say things like that just because my relationship isn't like Jack and Rose. (It's more like Harry and Sally).
But that doesn't mean Liv won't have a Jack and Rose relationship filled with passion and fire. She's the most passionate and fiery person I know, so I don't think a passive, indecisive man would pass her test in the first place.
So instead of crushing her dream in my pessimistic way, I said :
"That's the spirit! And you deserve nothing less!"
Because every love is different. And that's what makes it so incredible.
"I've decided I want love like that. None of this half-half love, I want full on. And I won't settle 'til I find it".
You have to admire the woman's passion! And I think most women see films like Titanic or read books like The Hunger Games (I'm biased because I'm mildly obsessed) and feel as if the love portrayed in these films and books is realistic. I know I certainly felt a little disappointed in my own relationship after reading The Hunger Games. Peeta stops at nothing to protect Katniss. He sacrifices his own safety on many occasions to protect her, fights tooth and nail for her and is the perfect combination of romantic and sweet, but also independent and not too clingy. Then you have my exceptionally lovely boyfriend, who despite his sweetest gestures, has never risked his life for me. Not once. Never, in the many times we've been thrown into combat, has he ever fought to protect me. He's never once stood up to an evil dictator and poured his heart out on national television as an act of defiance and love. I know right, what am I doing with this guy?
So when Liv brought up the romance in Titanic I had to wonder why it is that woman are so taken by movie romance? I know Liv doesn't literally mean she wants to meet a man on a cruise, fall passionately in love after a few days of knowing the guy, let him draw her nude, then watch him die an icy death. But what she wants is someone who would do anything for her, who would fight to protect her. And feminist as I am, I think it's natural for a woman to want that. It's not weakness or vulnerability, it's just nice to have someone looking after you.
But then I started thinking that there are so many contradictory ideas out there about what true love is. I have compiled a list of cliche's seen in many a TV show or movie:
"True love is hard work... but if you love them you don't mind doing the work."
"True love comes easily."
"When it's right, you just know."
"I knew from the second I saw him, he was the one."
"It was love at first sight."
I'm personally getting a little sick of being told all the time what love is. Because as soon as you hear a theory about love, it sends you into a spiral of doubt and worry about your own relationship, that you were perfectly happy with until this person brought up something about how much hard work true love is. And you think "Shit, my boyfriend and I don't work hard at our relationship. We just cruise along. Does that mean we're not really in love? Have we just settled for each other?" and so on and so on until you're over analysing everything he says and suddenly even more annoyed by all the little things he does.
But then when someone says "Relationships are easy when it's meant to be!" you think "Shit, we work really hard at communicating properly and we bicker all the time. Shit shit shit we're doomed to fail!"
So what bothers me is why we can't just figure it out for ourselves. From what I can gather, every single relationship is so individual it doesn't make sense to make large generalizations. I know some couples who don't agree on a single thing, who fight and bicker and nag each other, and are desperately in love. And there are some that openly say that they probably won't stay together forever. There are those who have been together a short time and already talking about marriage and the future.
And there are those like my gorgeous friend Liv, who are testing the waters but not jumping in just yet. And rightly so. Because I know when Liv finds her Jack, it will be a completely different relationship to mine, or to any of our other friends, or to any other relationship out there.
When I first read her message, I wanted to write "Liv, that sort of love doesn't exist. Love isn't like that. Life get's in the way! It's hard to be head over heels when real life issues get in the way!" But then I realised that it wasn't fair to say things like that just because my relationship isn't like Jack and Rose. (It's more like Harry and Sally).
But that doesn't mean Liv won't have a Jack and Rose relationship filled with passion and fire. She's the most passionate and fiery person I know, so I don't think a passive, indecisive man would pass her test in the first place.
So instead of crushing her dream in my pessimistic way, I said :
"That's the spirit! And you deserve nothing less!"
Because every love is different. And that's what makes it so incredible.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A confession
Hi friends!
Again, it's been a while since I blogged. To be honest I lost a little confidence in my writing. Plus I've been on Uni holidays, so I've been suuuppeerrr busy lying on my bed, watching dvds, staying in my pajamas all day, stuffing my face and avoiding the gym. Seriously, holidays are hard work!
But I'm writing today to get something off my chest. It's been bugging me for a while, and I think it's time I just admit it so I can move forward with my life.
I'm a closet girly girl.
I love romantic comedies, I get so excited when there's a new issue of Cosmo or Cleo, I drool over pretty make-up and beauty products, I trawl online shopping sites and analyse dresses, I can't walk past a shoe shop without Tony having to drag me away and I rock out to Beyonce in my car.
I know what you're thinking. What's the big deal? You sound like every other girl out there. All my life I've been the sporty girl who mocked romance movies, wore sneakers instead of heels and never bothered with make up.
Hence it's hard for me to admit that I love make up and pretty dresses, I'm obsessed with shoes and slightly addicted to shopping.
This got me thinking about other things we all secretly love or hate. For example, my friend Anthony and I share a mutual secret love for Riverdance, and all things Irish. It's embarrassing and a little shameful, but we secretly love it.
My friend Liv is super intelligent, indie, and blunt, but I've watched more chick flicks with her than anyone else.
My boyfriend Tony refuses to watch The Notebook with me, but he did sit through Eat Pray Love with me one lazy Sunday afternoon, and he didn't completely hate it.
So have a think about the things you secretly love but are too embarrassed to admit. And then look at yourself in the mirror and admit you love Sex and the City (and you're a dude) or you've seen all the Twilight movies and really felt for the characters.
Again, it's been a while since I blogged. To be honest I lost a little confidence in my writing. Plus I've been on Uni holidays, so I've been suuuppeerrr busy lying on my bed, watching dvds, staying in my pajamas all day, stuffing my face and avoiding the gym. Seriously, holidays are hard work!
But I'm writing today to get something off my chest. It's been bugging me for a while, and I think it's time I just admit it so I can move forward with my life.
I'm a closet girly girl.
I love romantic comedies, I get so excited when there's a new issue of Cosmo or Cleo, I drool over pretty make-up and beauty products, I trawl online shopping sites and analyse dresses, I can't walk past a shoe shop without Tony having to drag me away and I rock out to Beyonce in my car.
I know what you're thinking. What's the big deal? You sound like every other girl out there. All my life I've been the sporty girl who mocked romance movies, wore sneakers instead of heels and never bothered with make up.
Hence it's hard for me to admit that I love make up and pretty dresses, I'm obsessed with shoes and slightly addicted to shopping.
This got me thinking about other things we all secretly love or hate. For example, my friend Anthony and I share a mutual secret love for Riverdance, and all things Irish. It's embarrassing and a little shameful, but we secretly love it.
My friend Liv is super intelligent, indie, and blunt, but I've watched more chick flicks with her than anyone else.
My boyfriend Tony refuses to watch The Notebook with me, but he did sit through Eat Pray Love with me one lazy Sunday afternoon, and he didn't completely hate it.
So have a think about the things you secretly love but are too embarrassed to admit. And then look at yourself in the mirror and admit you love Sex and the City (and you're a dude) or you've seen all the Twilight movies and really felt for the characters.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Proposals
I haven't blogger for a while (how have you lived without me?) but I'm back, with something I've been thinking about for the last couple of days.
We've all seen some embarrassing marriage proposals on Youtube (tell me I'm not the only one watching them all day) and it has made me think about how there is a real lack of guidelines for proposals. You know, if there were just a few rules, maybe it wouldn't be such a hassle.
So I've taken it upon myself to put together a few rules for the fellas (I say that only because it's usually the man proposing. Any ambitious ladies out there feel free to substitute "he" for "she" and you'll be fine).
1. No public proposals. Ever.
This one's important. It is not okay to propose to your girlfriend in the following places:
2. Don't know her middle name? Probably too soon.
There's always stories told around a dinner table about a friend of a friend who is marrying a girl he's only been with a few months. And we all go "ooohhh" and "aaahhh" and screw up our faces disapprovingly. Because we all know that sometimes it works out. But these are the types of people who believe in true love and destiny and don't think practically like "I haven't checked if he has dead bodies in the freezer". What's the rush? If you love her, that's wonderful! Congratulations, you have what everyone else out there is looking for! Now don't screw it up by proposing after a couple of months!!!! Why not just be together a while?
So fellas out there, think about how it comes across if you propose too early.
Your perspective: "Super romantic. I'm getting laid tonight!"
Her perspective: "say whaaaaaattttttttttt? serial killer... BAIL!"
3. Most girls don't respond well to being scared shitless.
This rule is very specific to a video I found on Youtube which is pretty cool and a very creative way to propose. But when I thought about it, I don't think I would be too pleased about being proposed to this way. Nothing like giving your girl a heart attack to get the romance going.
4. Flashmobs - too much effort.
Here's the thing with flashmobs - I freaking love them. It cracks me up and warms my icy cold heart to see people dancing to The Sound of Music in a train station. So they're amazing, and if you are going to go to all that effort to propose, she is one lucky girl! But there's still the risk that she'll say no. And then you've gone to hours and hours of effort rehearsing and getting everyone to participate and after aaallllll that she still might turn around and say "yeah thanks, but no!" So it's super risky, as is any public proposal.
This is a cool one though.
I guess what's most important is doing something that is fitting to your partner's personality and your relationship. If she's a girly girl and expects romance, give it to her. Get rose petals and champagne and an Italian dude playing violin. If she's laid back and easy going, keep it simple and relaxed. If you're entire relationship began at clown school and you love practical jokes, spray her in the face with your lapel flower/water gun then pull out the ring!
Go out and marry, you crazy kids!
We've all seen some embarrassing marriage proposals on Youtube (tell me I'm not the only one watching them all day) and it has made me think about how there is a real lack of guidelines for proposals. You know, if there were just a few rules, maybe it wouldn't be such a hassle.
So I've taken it upon myself to put together a few rules for the fellas (I say that only because it's usually the man proposing. Any ambitious ladies out there feel free to substitute "he" for "she" and you'll be fine).
1. No public proposals. Ever.
This one's important. It is not okay to propose to your girlfriend in the following places:
- Sporting arena ( football, basketball, baseball, cricket etc)
- On national television
- At a crowded restaurant
- In front of her parents
- In front of your parents
- In front of all your friends
- In some grossly romantic holiday destination*
- While she's in the shower**
*this is fine and romantic if you're alone, but if it's a day trip and there are other tourists with you, not cool.
** slipping hazard.
When you propose in public, you have to be pretty damn confident she is going to say yes. Because if she doesn't, you get to do the awkward 'walk out of here alone and don't make eye contact' exit. Then again, if you've discussed it and she's assured you she'll say yes when you propose at the AFL grand final ... then get the hell out. You've ruined the romance already and now you're just proposing for the attention.
No public proposals. They make everyone (including your potential future wife) really uncomfortable.
2. Don't know her middle name? Probably too soon.
There's always stories told around a dinner table about a friend of a friend who is marrying a girl he's only been with a few months. And we all go "ooohhh" and "aaahhh" and screw up our faces disapprovingly. Because we all know that sometimes it works out. But these are the types of people who believe in true love and destiny and don't think practically like "I haven't checked if he has dead bodies in the freezer". What's the rush? If you love her, that's wonderful! Congratulations, you have what everyone else out there is looking for! Now don't screw it up by proposing after a couple of months!!!! Why not just be together a while?
So fellas out there, think about how it comes across if you propose too early.
Your perspective: "Super romantic. I'm getting laid tonight!"
Her perspective: "say whaaaaaattttttttttt? serial killer... BAIL!"
3. Most girls don't respond well to being scared shitless.
This rule is very specific to a video I found on Youtube which is pretty cool and a very creative way to propose. But when I thought about it, I don't think I would be too pleased about being proposed to this way. Nothing like giving your girl a heart attack to get the romance going.
4. Flashmobs - too much effort.
Here's the thing with flashmobs - I freaking love them. It cracks me up and warms my icy cold heart to see people dancing to The Sound of Music in a train station. So they're amazing, and if you are going to go to all that effort to propose, she is one lucky girl! But there's still the risk that she'll say no. And then you've gone to hours and hours of effort rehearsing and getting everyone to participate and after aaallllll that she still might turn around and say "yeah thanks, but no!" So it's super risky, as is any public proposal.
This is a cool one though.
I guess what's most important is doing something that is fitting to your partner's personality and your relationship. If she's a girly girl and expects romance, give it to her. Get rose petals and champagne and an Italian dude playing violin. If she's laid back and easy going, keep it simple and relaxed. If you're entire relationship began at clown school and you love practical jokes, spray her in the face with your lapel flower/water gun then pull out the ring!
Go out and marry, you crazy kids!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
X Factor
Unlike what feels like the entire Australian population, I am not excited about the X factor. Or Australia's Got Talent. Because while everyone sits at home and laughs at the teenager who is "singing" his lungs out (I put singing in quotation marks because 90% of the time it sounds like a family of cats drowing) I feel horrible. Because yes it is mildly amusing for those of us sitting at home. But those people have to go back to work or school the next day knowing that everyone at work watched them completely bomb out last night.
Awkward.
It's even worse when they go out there with this false sense of confidence, parading around the stage because they think, no they KNOW, they are the shit. The bee's knees. Numero uno, cream of the crop. The judges are going to cry, give me a standing ovation and the crowd will immediately make a Facebook group about me. I'm going to be a STAR!
And then the judges completely shut them down, normally because they deserve it as they have just insulted our ears, and they stand there stunned because all these years they thought they were a great singer.
And that's where the problem is for me. At some point in this kids life they asked their parents "Mum, dad, am I a good singer?" And mum and dad glanced momentarily at each other and then said "of course you are honey!" Because where was the harm right? It's not like the kid was ever going to pursue a career as the next Britney. No point in crushing her confidence now while she's young an impressionable. Let her sing, it's not like she'll audition for some nationally televised talent program where she'll embarrass herself and be completely crushed.
WRONG, MUM AND DAD!
Now you have to pick up the pieces as your child is gutted by the humiliation. Well done folks, maybe you should have gently told her to stick to netball, or mime.
Awkward.
It's even worse when they go out there with this false sense of confidence, parading around the stage because they think, no they KNOW, they are the shit. The bee's knees. Numero uno, cream of the crop. The judges are going to cry, give me a standing ovation and the crowd will immediately make a Facebook group about me. I'm going to be a STAR!
And then the judges completely shut them down, normally because they deserve it as they have just insulted our ears, and they stand there stunned because all these years they thought they were a great singer.
And that's where the problem is for me. At some point in this kids life they asked their parents "Mum, dad, am I a good singer?" And mum and dad glanced momentarily at each other and then said "of course you are honey!" Because where was the harm right? It's not like the kid was ever going to pursue a career as the next Britney. No point in crushing her confidence now while she's young an impressionable. Let her sing, it's not like she'll audition for some nationally televised talent program where she'll embarrass herself and be completely crushed.
WRONG, MUM AND DAD!
Now you have to pick up the pieces as your child is gutted by the humiliation. Well done folks, maybe you should have gently told her to stick to netball, or mime.
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