Just yesterday my lovely friend Liv sent me a text that has really made me think. She had just been to see Titanic in 3D, and I this is what she said to me:
"I've decided I want love like that. None of this half-half love, I want full on. And I won't settle 'til I find it".
You have to admire the woman's passion! And I think most women see films like Titanic or read books like The Hunger Games (I'm biased because I'm mildly obsessed) and feel as if the love portrayed in these films and books is realistic. I know I certainly felt a little disappointed in my own relationship after reading The Hunger Games. Peeta stops at nothing to protect Katniss. He sacrifices his own safety on many occasions to protect her, fights tooth and nail for her and is the perfect combination of romantic and sweet, but also independent and not too clingy. Then you have my exceptionally lovely boyfriend, who despite his sweetest gestures, has never risked his life for me. Not once. Never, in the many times we've been thrown into combat, has he ever fought to protect me. He's never once stood up to an evil dictator and poured his heart out on national television as an act of defiance and love. I know right, what am I doing with this guy?
So when Liv brought up the romance in Titanic I had to wonder why it is that woman are so taken by movie romance? I know Liv doesn't literally mean she wants to meet a man on a cruise, fall passionately in love after a few days of knowing the guy, let him draw her nude, then watch him die an icy death. But what she wants is someone who would do anything for her, who would fight to protect her. And feminist as I am, I think it's natural for a woman to want that. It's not weakness or vulnerability, it's just nice to have someone looking after you.
But then I started thinking that there are so many contradictory ideas out there about what true love is. I have compiled a list of cliche's seen in many a TV show or movie:
"True love is hard work... but if you love them you don't mind doing the work."
"True love comes easily."
"When it's right, you just know."
"I knew from the second I saw him, he was the one."
"It was love at first sight."
I'm personally getting a little sick of being told all the time what love is. Because as soon as you hear a theory about love, it sends you into a spiral of doubt and worry about your own relationship, that you were perfectly happy with until this person brought up something about how much hard work true love is. And you think "Shit, my boyfriend and I don't work hard at our relationship. We just cruise along. Does that mean we're not really in love? Have we just settled for each other?" and so on and so on until you're over analysing everything he says and suddenly even more annoyed by all the little things he does.
But then when someone says "Relationships are easy when it's meant to be!" you think "Shit, we work really hard at communicating properly and we bicker all the time. Shit shit shit we're doomed to fail!"
So what bothers me is why we can't just figure it out for ourselves. From what I can gather, every single relationship is so individual it doesn't make sense to make large generalizations. I know some couples who don't agree on a single thing, who fight and bicker and nag each other, and are desperately in love. And there are some that openly say that they probably won't stay together forever. There are those who have been together a short time and already talking about marriage and the future.
And there are those like my gorgeous friend Liv, who are testing the waters but not jumping in just yet. And rightly so. Because I know when Liv finds her Jack, it will be a completely different relationship to mine, or to any of our other friends, or to any other relationship out there.
When I first read her message, I wanted to write "Liv, that sort of love doesn't exist. Love isn't like that. Life get's in the way! It's hard to be head over heels when real life issues get in the way!" But then I realised that it wasn't fair to say things like that just because my relationship isn't like Jack and Rose. (It's more like Harry and Sally).
But that doesn't mean Liv won't have a Jack and Rose relationship filled with passion and fire. She's the most passionate and fiery person I know, so I don't think a passive, indecisive man would pass her test in the first place.
So instead of crushing her dream in my pessimistic way, I said :
"That's the spirit! And you deserve nothing less!"
Because every love is different. And that's what makes it so incredible.
