We've all seen some embarrassing marriage proposals on Youtube (tell me I'm not the only one watching them all day) and it has made me think about how there is a real lack of guidelines for proposals. You know, if there were just a few rules, maybe it wouldn't be such a hassle.
So I've taken it upon myself to put together a few rules for the fellas (I say that only because it's usually the man proposing. Any ambitious ladies out there feel free to substitute "he" for "she" and you'll be fine).
1. No public proposals. Ever.
This one's important. It is not okay to propose to your girlfriend in the following places:
- Sporting arena ( football, basketball, baseball, cricket etc)
- On national television
- At a crowded restaurant
- In front of her parents
- In front of your parents
- In front of all your friends
- In some grossly romantic holiday destination*
- While she's in the shower**
*this is fine and romantic if you're alone, but if it's a day trip and there are other tourists with you, not cool.
** slipping hazard.
When you propose in public, you have to be pretty damn confident she is going to say yes. Because if she doesn't, you get to do the awkward 'walk out of here alone and don't make eye contact' exit. Then again, if you've discussed it and she's assured you she'll say yes when you propose at the AFL grand final ... then get the hell out. You've ruined the romance already and now you're just proposing for the attention.
No public proposals. They make everyone (including your potential future wife) really uncomfortable.
2. Don't know her middle name? Probably too soon.
There's always stories told around a dinner table about a friend of a friend who is marrying a girl he's only been with a few months. And we all go "ooohhh" and "aaahhh" and screw up our faces disapprovingly. Because we all know that sometimes it works out. But these are the types of people who believe in true love and destiny and don't think practically like "I haven't checked if he has dead bodies in the freezer". What's the rush? If you love her, that's wonderful! Congratulations, you have what everyone else out there is looking for! Now don't screw it up by proposing after a couple of months!!!! Why not just be together a while?
So fellas out there, think about how it comes across if you propose too early.
Your perspective: "Super romantic. I'm getting laid tonight!"
Her perspective: "say whaaaaaattttttttttt? serial killer... BAIL!"
3. Most girls don't respond well to being scared shitless.
This rule is very specific to a video I found on Youtube which is pretty cool and a very creative way to propose. But when I thought about it, I don't think I would be too pleased about being proposed to this way. Nothing like giving your girl a heart attack to get the romance going.
4. Flashmobs - too much effort.
Here's the thing with flashmobs - I freaking love them. It cracks me up and warms my icy cold heart to see people dancing to The Sound of Music in a train station. So they're amazing, and if you are going to go to all that effort to propose, she is one lucky girl! But there's still the risk that she'll say no. And then you've gone to hours and hours of effort rehearsing and getting everyone to participate and after aaallllll that she still might turn around and say "yeah thanks, but no!" So it's super risky, as is any public proposal.
This is a cool one though.
I guess what's most important is doing something that is fitting to your partner's personality and your relationship. If she's a girly girl and expects romance, give it to her. Get rose petals and champagne and an Italian dude playing violin. If she's laid back and easy going, keep it simple and relaxed. If you're entire relationship began at clown school and you love practical jokes, spray her in the face with your lapel flower/water gun then pull out the ring!
Go out and marry, you crazy kids!
